On cell phones, once and for all

On Tuesday, I was a guest on “The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet” in New York, participating in a discussion of cell phone use in children.  (See this week’s column on the specifics of the segment – we talked about  some new research that connects cell phone use in kids to an increased risk of brain cancer).  I’ve spoken out often enough on kids and cell phones that I seem to have developed a reputation as the “anti cell phone mom.” This is a little bit hilarious since we have maxed out our family plan with five cell phones.

How is I’m paying for this many phones and yet I’m becoming known as a mom who doesn’t allow them? Very simply, we don’t provide a cell phone to our middle schooler.

You’d think this wrinkle in our family policy was akin to spearheading a book burning rally. Oh the humanity! No cell phone for a 10 year old? Quick, get that crazy woman on a plane to New York to explain herself!

I’ve written and blogged about this topic more often than I’d like, and I need to say I’m not planting my flag on cell phones or a ban against them in childhood. For me, the cell phone issue is just one part of a larger concern – the idea that as a parenting culture, we’re bending over backward to give young kids a. everything they say they want, and b. stuff they don’t need until they’re older.

On yesterday’s “Mike and Juliet” I met Dr. Laura Jana, a pediatrician and mom of three whose role in the discussion was to advocate the reasoned use of cell phones. She talked about using the devices as  management tools to help her busy family stay connected and operate smoothly. She made lots of sense!

I’m not opposed to cell phones for managing busy kids or to promote safety in certain situations. Even in middle school, I have loaned my phone to my children if the situation (a movie at the mall, an uncertain pick up time) warrants the convenience or safety a phone would provide.

So unfortunately, Dr. Jana wasn’t a good example of a parent whose point of view about cell phones I would oppose. (Also, she barely got a word since they had four “expert” guests for an eight minute segment).

But there are plenty of parents whose views on phones I would oppose, since half of all children between the ages of 8 and 12 have them. I question the parents who say that depriving a tween of a cell phone necessarily denies her an active social life. That’s just nuts (to use a technical term favored by “experts”). Children don’t need cell phones to have friends and I’m not going to teach my daughter that her friendships are dependent on whether she has one.

Here’s my bottom line: Cell phones, which may or may not promote brain cancer (scientists can’t agree), ought to be used judiciously for purposes of helpful, healthy communication. Incessant texting and calling to your fellow sixth graders about who-said-what-to-whom-at-recess is not my idea of helpful or healthy communication.

Kids generally don’t need a cell phone until they’re teens who have added freedom, maturity and responsibility.  But if you’re using a cell to juggle a busy family, you’re monitoring and setting limits on their use, and you’re facilitating better communication with your kids, more power to you.

Just be sure to check the pockets on your child’s blue jeans or you may put that phone in the wash.