The culture war

At the risk of hurting the feelings of the hundred or so publicists who e-mail me press releases each week, I'll confess I hardly ever read them.

It's unlikely I'll write a column about how to keep the kids "learning and active during the holidays" (this is a problem that needs an expert?), or a new book on how to "unspoil" your child (just say no).

So I must send kudos to the publicist who wrote this eye-catching opening line: "What if the 'failure to launch' is actually an intelligent response to the challenges that today's young adults face?"

Perhaps it's the cultural observer in me that clicked open the e-mail, or more likely, the fact that my eldest daughter will graduate from college in the spring. Suffice to say, the words "failure to launch" and "intelligent response" used in the same sentence struck me as at least curious.

Turns out there's a new book that asserts today's 20-somethings are taking a "slower path to adulthood" and claims this is a good thing for them and for American society generally.

At long last, there’s a national best-selling book that offers practical and proven advice on many of the social ills that plague our nation.

This book explains with measured solutions how to curb childhood obesity and enhance children’s nutrition, improve communication between married couples and among parents and their kids, instill sound values in the next generation, conduct civil political discourse, engage in community involvement and service, improve time-management skills, avoid the pitfalls of media saturation and much more.

The author isn’t a physician or a policy expert or a social scientist; she’s not a preacher or a teacher — she’s not even certified in her field. Nonetheless, if every American family purchased this book and followed the simple recipes for living contained in it, our communities and our country would be profoundly better off.

She's opinionated. She's controversial. She's a grizzly mama. And her outspoken comments about certain Americans are generating Twitter memes and death threats.

She's not Sarah Palin; she's Yale Law professor Amy Chua, author of the new book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," a tell-all about her successful (and not-so-successful) use of "Chinese parenting" to raise her two daughters.

Released last week with an excerpt in the Wall Street Journal, Mrs. Chua's book has garnered the attention of parents, parenting experts and Asian-American culture observers thanks to her provocative assertions that Western parents are too concerned with our children's happiness, compared to "Chinese mothers" who, in her view, are correctly obsessed with their children's achievements and success.

Mrs. Chua uses the term "Chinese mothers" broadly to describe a stereotypically Asian style of authoritarian parenting. Compared to Western parents, she makes sweeping generalizations, such as that:

If a picture is worth a thousand words, the photographs of 9-year-old Christina Taylor-Green and her purported killer, 22-year-old Jared Lee Loughner, may speak volumes about American youth culture.

Christina was the third-grade victim of the shooting that took place at the "Congress on Your Corner" event sponsored by Rep. Gabrielle Giffords on Saturday in Tucson. The image of Christina released to the media is the picture of innocence and wholesomeness — her sweet smile and wide eyes conveying the kind and capable spirit for which she was known.

Christina's friends point to her fun sense of humor and willingness to talk with anyone as traits they will miss at Mesa Verde Elementary School. Recently elected to the student council, she had started to develop an interest in government, which prompted her neighbor and friend Susan Hileman to take Christina to Mrs. Giffords' event.

Born amid fear and foreboding on September 11, 2001, Christina was the picture of possibility and promise. A baseball player who also took ballet lessons, Christina was being raised in a faithful home and recently received her First Communion. By all accounts, she exhibited a zest for life that was fed by the love and encouragement of her family and friends.

The portrait of the man charged in her death is a stark and scary contrast, indeed.

Who says family life in America is in a state of decline?

Why, just last week on Christmas Eve, Hugh Hefner, 84, illustrious founder of the Playboy empire, became engaged to one Chrystal Harris, 24, a Playmate of the Month for December 2009.

It will be the third marriage for "Hef," who has no qualms about tying the knot with a woman young enough to be his great-granddaughter. In fact, in announcing his betrothal on Twitter, the iconic playboy declared it was "the happiest Christmas weekend in memory."

He's not fooling anyone. The man is 84. It may be the only Christmas weekend in memory.

Meanwhile, in his quest to be named Father of the Year, Hef also tweeted that he'd given his two sons from his second marriage the Christmas gift of the complete digital, searchable collection of Playboy magazines. Hef claims his "men's magazine" is not porn, and makes the perfect gift for a father to his sons when they come of age. These particular young men, ages 19 and 20, can find in that database the gift of pictorials of their mother, Kimberley Conrad. (Yuck.)

Wait, I forgot. The American family is in a state of decline.

Only three shopping days left to find the perfect Christmas gift for your lovely teenage daughter. Need some ideas? A quick Google search turns up a "Top 10" list with "hot" suggestions for teen girls. Consider the Spa Sister Head to Toe Pampering Kit ($49.99 at Target) or perhaps a pair of chic leatherette (read: plastic) stilettos with a 4 1/2-inch heel - a bargain at just $15 at Forever 21.

Or, if your teen is a "gleek" (a geeked-out fan of the TV show "Glee," for you cave dwellers) buy the Glee Karaoke Revolution. At $59.99 from Game Stop, this game turns any Wii gaming system into a virtual recording studio where teens can belt out their favorite tunes performed on the show.

But heck, why give a teen girl the vicarious experience of warbling a show-stopping tune when you can just flip on the TV to watch an episode of "Glee" and instead give her the gift of a warped, hypersexual self-image just like what the female characters have on the show?

New research released last week from the Parents Television Council (PTC) reveals that on "Glee" and 24 other prime-time network TV programs, "underage girls are rapidly becoming the new female image of sexualization in the media." (Full disclosure: I'm a member of PTC's Advisory Board.)

It's not only the cultural observer, but the mom in me who is disturbed by the findings of the study, "Sexualized Teen Girls: Tinsel Town's New Target." Among the startling revelations:

An equation: If "x" is the average number of hours per day U.S. students spend studying math and science and "y" is the U.S. ranking on the recently released 2009 international academic achievement comparisons as measured by the Paris-based Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, what is the median number of text messages sent by American students during the school day?

The answer? Math is lame, of course.

That's the likely attitude of the 15-year-old students whose math scores placed the U.S. at No. 25 out of 34 countries participating in the Program for International Student Assessment. U.S. students ranked 17th overall in science and 14th in reading.

Meanwhile, South Korea, Finland and the Shanghai region of China outranked all other countries in math; South Korea, Finland and Canada scored highest in reading; and Finland, Japan and South Korea did best in science.

According to reports, Secretary of Education Arne Duncan said the results "should be a massive wake-up call to the entire country." The solution to our poor international standing advocated by the Obama administration is the adoption of national curriculum standards and revamping teacher pay to reward performance rather than credentials and seniority.

Marriage is hard. That's what I told the guy sitting next to me on the plane Tuesday when he explained that he and his bride of less than a year have split up, despite the birth several weeks ago of their son.

That's what I told a girlfriend in an e-mail, and another over lunch recently when she shared her fear that she and her husband might not make it through a rocky patch.

That's what I tell myself on any given day, and what I remind my husband when we try each other's patience or expect special skills that simply don't exist. Like mind reading.

Lifelong marriage - once a goal held in the hearts of every newlywed couple - no longer is an expectation even for those who enter the bonds of matrimony with the best of intentions. That is, if they enter matrimony at all.

Two recent studies reveal some startling realities about the state of marriage in America and the trends that impact families, children and the communities we share.

OK, moms and dads, let's do a quick survey to see how well you're supervising your children's media consumption.

Is the TV in a main room in the house where you can easily monitor the content flowing into your home? Do you use DVR, TiVo, the V-chip or other technology to safeguard your children from inappropriate TV shows? Do you keep the remote handy to mute those embarrassing commercials for erectile-dysfunction treatments?

If you answered "yes," you're in the minority. According to the most current Kaiser Family Foundation "Generation M" survey analyzing media use by children aged 8 to 18, only 28 percent of parents have rules about TV viewing. But good for you, because all available research confirms that children with limits on media consumption - both in terms of time and content - fare better in virtually every way you can run the numbers.

Unfortunately, the nation's biggest entertainment conglomerates are offering your children an end run around your best efforts to limit their exposure to TV shows to which you might object.

Roughly 180 days a year, my morning ritual is the same: Roll out of bed. Put on the coffee. Pack the children's lunches.

I figure by the time my fourth child completes high school in 2015, I will have assembled approximately 9,360 sack lunches, give or take. The most complicated part? Remembering who hates mustard.

Of course, we could participate in the school lunch program, and occasionally (read: when we're out of bread), I put cash in my child's pocket rather than turkey (light mustard, no cheese) in a brown paper sack. But mostly I pack lunches because my children don't really like the food in the school cafeteria.

More important, when I pack their lunches I can at least imagine that I know what they're eating during the day, trading at the lunch table notwithstanding.

It turns out school lunches are becoming just another avenue to justify government overreach.